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Script Review

This is an example of a Script Review. Screenplays are able to receive Script Reviews after they have finished (completed the Script phase). The goal of the Script Review is to give a more detailed evaluation of the screenplay, including comments on the overall idea, structure, story execution, characters, and script. A Script Review will help the writer(s) understand how well they executed the screenplay and also give the Open Screenplay community an idea of its quality.

Started By: Daniel Pearson
Public

Title:

FOOL’S GOLD

Logline:

A man comes back home after 14 years overseas to reconnect with his family.

Theme:

Don’t be afraid of people.

Setting:

New England

Main Genre:

Drama

Sub Genres:

family, suspense

Type:

Short Film

Time Period:

Current day

# Pages:

118

Overall Score
3.00 / 5.0

Strengths

What are the strengths or what is working well in the script? if none, write "none."

Some very good interpersonal moments between the characters, and some moving scenes. Overall strong dialogue, and a decent start to the character development.

Concept

18% of Overall Score

Idea

How fresh is the idea for the screenplay?

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How many moments are there is the screenplay that show the idea?

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Any other comments on the screenplay's idea?

While the aspect of the protagonist returning home from overseas in a basically self-imposed exile from his family is interesting and has potential, this story ends up being very familiar to other “coming home to a difficult family” type of stories. The lack of a clear and specific second act adventure contributes to the idea being somewhat derivative. But lots of potential in the ways it can be developed.

Genre

Is the stated main genre delivered in the screenplay?

How much is the stated main genre show throughout the script? (How funny, scary, thrilling, moving, etc.)

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Any other comments on the Genre?

The drama is clear and comes through well. Regarding the sub genres, “family” means a movie that the whole family can watch, not a movie about a family, and also there is no real suspense, so both of these subgenres can be removed.

Title

How effective is the title?

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Any other comments on the screenplay's title?

The title is apparently meant to be more thematic, the idea being that creating certain ideas about family is not helpful, so while the title is not necessarily bad per se, it also does not yet clue the audience in as to the adventure or overall what we will expect to see on screen.

Theme

Does the stated theme apply to- and give a greater meaning to what written in the script pages?

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Any other comments on the screenplay’s theme?

The stated theme does apply a little bit to the story in terms of a few of the characters needing to speak their mind, but that is not what the story is really about, and not what the protagonist experiences or learns - it’s more about being too self absorbed with your own problems to see others’.

Are there enough visuals to merit the idea being on screen (instead of a different medium such as a stage play)?

Overall rating for the screenplay's concept:

Structure

20% of Overall Score

Does the screenplay have a clear 3 Act Structure (beginning, middle, end)?

Does Act 1 introduce the Protagonist, set up the world, and end with an event that launches the Protagonist into the Act 2 problem?

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Does Act 2 show the idea, adventure and give the audience an experience?

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Does Act 3 include an appropriate resolution, battle, or climax to the story?

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In your best guess, approximately what percentage of the material is NOT necessary to the story?

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Overall rating for the screenplay's structure:

Any other comments on the Structure?

In general the story makes sense and we see the protagonist connect with some of his family members and not connect with others. Act 1 does set up the protagonist well, but the event that is meant to launch him into The second act is unclear and therefore it’s a little difficult to tell where Act 1 ends and Act 2 begins. Act 2 does show many scenes of family dynamics, but tends to linger on those scenes too long and other stories or things the protagonist (John) goes through could be more fleshed out. There could be more distinction between Act 2A and Act 2B in terms of what is happening plot-wise. Act 3’s battle/climax does not yet happen with the primary opponent (Marcy), so the audience wonders why John is going up against Henry instead.

Story Execution

20% of Overall Score

How much of the story follows or is about the stated Protagonist?

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Does the Protagonist pursue a clear goal?

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How much pressure is put on the Protagonist to achieve the goal?

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Are the stakes (what will be gained or lost if the goal is achieved or not) for the Protagonist clear?

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Does the Influencing Character help change the Protagonists character flaw, aid them in their goal, or have some sort of relationship with them that evolves?

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How often does the Opponent present obstacles in the story?

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Overall rating for the screenplay's story execution:

Any other comments on Story Execution?

The story mostly follows John which is good, but there are some scenes that follow other characters’ points of view for no or little reason and it’s not clear why we follow them for those scenes. John’s goal to reconnect with his family members is pretty clear, but then the story shifts and the second half of the script he doesn’t pursue anything specific, is more reactive to what the other family members are doing, it becomes more about damage control then about what John is trying to achieve. Henry is listed as the influencing character, and even though he does give John a little advice along the way, he doesn’t actually help to change John enough or give John perspective to help him change a flaw. The opponent Marcy gets in John’s way sometimes and the scenes are good because they show good family tension and conflict, but in general she needs to present more obstacles.

Characters

20% of Overall Score

Is the Protagonist more active or reactive in the story?

Is the Protagonist compelling enough to make us want to watch them for the entire story?

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Does the Protagonist have the necessary amount of distinct character traits (dimensionality) for the story?

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In the story does the Protagonist show an active, visible, non-internal character flaw?

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Does the Protagonists character flaw change in some way throughout the story?

If an Influencing Character is included in the story, does that character show appropriate traits to help change the Protagonist92s character flaw?

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If an Opponent is included, is that character compelling enough in the story?

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Overall rating for the screenplay's characters

Any other comments on Characters?

Good start for the character development, the characters are generally different from each other and we are starting to see specific traits emerge for each of them. However, they can still use more traits to define each person and help round them out. John does not yet show a clear enough character flaw - he does show aspects of poor choices or behaviors, but there is not one specific flaw that is worked on throughout the story. Marcy is compelling as the overbearing mother.

Script Work

12% of Overall Score

How is the dialogue?

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How much of the exposition or backstory included is necessary for the story?

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Are the montages or series of shots included necessary for the story?

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Are the flashbacks included in the script necessary for the story?

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How much telling instead of showing is there in the script pages? [include a question mark and pop-up explanation if clicked]

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Are there internal words in the scene direction (like “thinks,” “realizes,” “feels,” “hopes,” “senses,” “wants,” etc.)?

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Are most of the scenes an average of 1-2?

Does the screenplay avoid camera angles unless necessary?

Overall rating for the script work

Any other comments on Script Work?

In general the pages read well and the dialogue is engaging. There are some internal words in the action which tell us how the characters are feeling instead of showing them through action or dialogue. There are one or two flashbacks that are not necessary, and some of the exposition is also unnecessary - for example, we don’t need to know everything about Henry’s past with his girlfriend.

Overall Rating

10% of Overall Score

Overall does this screenplay work?

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Overall rating for the entire screenplay?

Any other comments on the screenplay?

This is a decent drama about a family that with more specificity of goals and a clearer adventure (meaning the exact nature of what is happening between the characters or what the protagonist is facing) will certainly help the next draft. The second half of the script needs the most attention, and a clear build to a stronger Act 3 finish against the true opponent will really help. But overall good drama, good writing, keep working on it!