What are the strengths or what is working well in the script? if none, write "none."
Some good horror moments; scenes are mostly well-written; some good intrigue created about the history of the bottle.
Script Review
This is an example of a Script Review. Screenplays are able to receive Script Reviews after they have finished (completed the Script phase). The goal of the Script Review is to give a more detailed evaluation of the screenplay, including comments on the overall idea, structure, story execution, characters, and script. A Script Review will help the writer(s) understand how well they executed the screenplay and also give the Open Screenplay community an idea of its quality.
Public
Title: THE DARK BOTTLE
Started By: Janelle Lasher
Logline: A woman finds an old bottle of perfume at an estate sale and when she uses it things get complicated.
Theme: Isn’t it better to find peace?
Setting: Small Town
Main Genre: Horror
Sub Genres: Drama, Experimental
Type: Short Film
Time Period: 2008
# Pages: 8
Strengths
Concept
18% of Overall ScoreIdea
How fresh is the idea for the screenplay?
3/5
Somewhat freshHow many moments are there is the screenplay that show the idea?
3/5
SomeAny other comments on the screenplay's idea?
The idea that a woman gets a “haunted” perfume bottle that changes her when she uses it is specific but generally similar to other tales of haunted items. The way it changes her is inconsistent – sometimes she becomes more evil, sometimes she opens up a portal for a ghost to come through. The core idea needs to be drilled down so that the audience understands what the story is meant to be. No need to be set in 2008, it does not affect the story – present day is fine.
Genre
Is the stated main genre delivered in the screenplay?
How much is the stated main genre show throughout the script? (How funny, scary, thrilling, moving, etc.)
3/5
SomewhatAny other comments on the Genre?
There are a few moments of horror, but not enough to fill out the story yet. As to the subgenres – there is some drama so that fits, but “experimental” does not, because this is not an experimental film, there is only the mention of an experiment in the story.
Title
How effective is the title?
5/5
Strong - unique and gets across the ideaAny other comments on the screenplay's title?
Overall it works well, but if the writer changes the development of the story it might need to change as well.
Theme
Does the stated theme apply to- and give a greater meaning to what written in the script pages?
3/5
Average - somewhat applies and adds some meaningAny other comments on the screenplay’s theme?
The spirit possessing the bottle of perfume needs to find peace, but the stated theme doesn’t apply to the protagonist and what she goes through. Also, try to phrase themes as statements, not questions.
Are there enough visuals to merit the idea being on screen (instead of a different medium such as a stage play)?
Overall rating for the screenplay's concept:
Structure
20% of Overall ScoreDoes the screenplay have a clear 3 Act Structure (beginning, middle, end)?
Does Act 1 introduce the Protagonist, set up the world, and end with an event that launches the Protagonist into the Act 2 problem?
4/5
WellDoes Act 2 show the idea, adventure and give the audience an experience?
3/5
SomewhatDoes Act 3 include an appropriate resolution, battle, or climax to the story?
4/5
WellIn your best guess, approximately what percentage of the material is NOT necessary to the story?
3/5
16-30% of the material is unnecessaryOverall rating for the screenplay's structure:
Any other comments on the Structure?
The story is well executed, even though some of the ideas of how the bottle works are not yet cohesive. A few of the moments and scenes are not needed. Strong battle and resolution at the end.
Story Execution
20% of Overall ScoreHow much of the story follows or is about the stated Protagonist?
4/5
Most of the storyDoes the Protagonist pursue a clear goal?
1/5
Goal is not clearHow much pressure is put on the Protagonist to achieve the goal?
1/5
No pressure but it's neededAre the stakes (what will be gained or lost if the goal is achieved or not) for the Protagonist clear?
4/5
Mostly clearDoes the Influencing Character help change the Protagonist92s character flaw, aid them in their goal, or have some sort of relationship with them that evolves?
3/5
SomewhatHow often does the Opponent present obstacles in the story?
2/5
RarelyOverall rating for the screenplay's story execution:
Any other comments on Story Execution?
We stay with Charlene (protagonist) for the majority of the story, but there are a few moments and scenes that cut to characters that are not as important, would work better to stay with her throughout. Charlene does a few things about the bottle and it’s implied what she needs to do, but she doesn’t yet take action throughout the script regarding that goal. Her friend Anne gives her some advice but could be a bigger part of the story. If the ghost is meant to be the primary opponent, it can present many more obstacles for Charlene, even in this short film.
Characters
20% of Overall ScoreIs the Protagonist more active or reactive in the story?
Is the Protagonist compelling enough to make us want to watch them for the entire story?
4/5
Mostly compellingDoes the Protagonist have the necessary amount of distinct character traits (dimensionality) for the story?
4/5
Mostly has the appropriate amount of traitsIn the story does the Protagonist show an active, visible, non-internal character flaw?
1/5
The Protagonist does not show a character flawDoes the Protagonists character flaw change in some way throughout the story?
If an Influencing Character is included in the story, does that character show appropriate traits to help change the Protagonist92s character flaw?
2/5
A littleIf an Opponent is included, is that character compelling enough in the story?
4/5
CompellingOverall rating for the screenplay's characters
Any other comments on Characters?
Charlene is compelling, we get to see some clear traits and behaviors from her and also get to know a little about her life and living situation. But though she has a few moments where she shows some potential flaws, she does not show a flaw that is present and evolves through the story, and the story would be enhanced by including one. Anne needs more traits, is one dimensional so far.
Script Work
12% of Overall ScoreHow is the dialogue?
3/5
AverageHow much of the exposition or backstory included is necessary for the story?
4/5
Most included exposition and backstory is necessary or helpfulAre the montages or series of shots included necessary for the story?
Are the flashbacks included in the script necessary for the story?
3/5
Some included flashbacks are necessary, some are notHow much telling instead of showing is there in the script pages? [include a question mark and pop-up explanation if clicked]
4/5
A littleAre there internal words in the scene direction (like “thinks,” “realizes,” “feels,” “hopes,” “senses,” “wants,” etc.)?
3/5
SomeAre most of the scenes an average of 1-2?
Does the screenplay avoid camera angles unless necessary?
Overall rating for the script work
Any other comments on Script Work?
The script work is mostly clear and handled well, a few of the internal words in the action lines do some telling instead of showing. Two the flashbacks are unnecessary, the others work.
Overall Rating
10% of Overall ScoreOverall does this screenplay work?
3/5
SomewhatOverall rating for the entire screenplay?
Any other comments on the screenplay?
If the way the bottle works is developed and clarified, and the protagonist is given a flaw that causes her difficulty along the adventure, it would help ground the audience more in her experience, in other words, help increase the impact of the story. But there are some nice horror moments and the story has a lot of potential for development. Good work so far!